Living Inside His Love

Living inside Your love 
I move within 
a world protected 
not that I am 
never wounded 
but that you 
keep me safe 
from ultimate harm 
from all malignant 
and pernicious evil 
inside the loving kindness 
of your heart 
I’m held where goodness 
is my atmosphere 
and tenderness the song 
that plays incessantly 
and heals me, 
fills me with new hope 
for this poor world 

This poem was given to my heart just before war broke out around us, back in September 2002. Its message was given to me for a reason!

We were in Côte d’Ivoire, in its second largest city, Bouake, attending training in “crisis response” so that we could help coworkers going through tough times. It was so ironic—the crisis hit us straight on, partway through the seminar!

When we first heard shots fired in the morning of September 19^th, I was full of fear. We had our 15-year-old son with us. My mama heart was glad we had not left him behind in Ferke with a friend, as had been originally planned. But now we kept hearing periodic gunshots all around, sometimes even mortars whooshing overhead. I worried. We were in a three-story building, and the rebel force would take one side, the government army the other, to fire at each other for hours. We were instructed to lie down on the floor of the cement hallway running through the dormitory-style row of bedrooms on the second floor. For days our only hope was in our God’s love, especially his promises of protection. But we also knew that sometimes he does allow death, even to his loved ones. What was his purpose going to be in that moment?

This was clear: if we were taken, we would be with our God. If he permitted us to be rescued, he had a reason. And that is what happened: after over a week of waiting, a 24-hour ceasefire was arranged, and anyone holding a foreign passport would be allowed to leave Bouake and go south to territory the government still held.

One crucial moment on the way through the stringent check at the capital, Yamoussoukro, underlined the Lord’s protection. We had a two Nigerians with us in our car who had also been attending the training seminar. The officer who stopped us at the checkpoint told Glenn he had to drive over to the side for a thorough check of the vehicle. The rest of us had to get out and go to the booth ahead. Our son suddenly realized his backpack with his papers was in the car trunk so I accompanied him back there to find it. That put the soldiers on alert; they were not happy that we opened the trunk. By the time the two of us got up to the checkpoint, the officer was holding the Nigerian passports in his hand and getting angry with our friends. He was asking questions, but neither of them spoke French so could not respond. Plus they were wearing dressy “boubous”, robes that are also common among Muslims, preparing for their plane ride home. That seemed to brand them as suspicious.  I got there just in time to translate and tell the officer that they were also missionaries, that we had been at the same training in Bouake. He relaxed and waved us through.

My coming up behind them was in God’s timing. And there were other things in that story that led to our reliance on the goodness and tenderness of our God who is love. In the midst of war all around us, who else could we turn to? When we had to lie on the floor of the hallway while mortars flew over us, my dear friend Karen and I made sure we were next to each other. We held hands. We prayed. Somehow we even slept later that night! Our Father was our hope and our shield.

I relate to what David wrote when he was in a war zone:

LORD, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief. ^{. . .  3} The enemy pursues me, . . .  ⁴ So my spirit grows faint within me; my heart within me is dismayed. ^{. . .  6} I spread out my hands to you; I thirst for you like a parched land. ⁷ Answer me quickly, LORD; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. ⁸ Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life. ⁹ Rescue me from my enemies, LORD, for I hide myself in you. ¹⁰ Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground. (Ps. 143:1–10 NIV)

Yes! We were couldn’t wai to get out of this scary situation. We longed to hear good news in the morning, news of rescue. And it came. We saw him take us out of a dark tunnel to a place of level ground. There was grief.  Would we ever get back home, up north in that country? Would our friends there be okay? What should we do next?

Through it all, it was our Father’s unfailing, never-ending love that held us close, giving us hope and comfort. His song was playing in my heart, even when I could not hear it. His love was the one sure thing that remained when chaos was all around. We knew that he was paying attention, hearing our cries, and he would bring us through. Even if we had lost our earthly lives, we knew we would be with him—no malignant evil could remove that confidence!

So every year, this anniversary of war and rescue reminds me to remain rooted and grounded in his love, to live inside it whether life is on an ordinary track or full of bumps in the road.

Breathe in his goodness! Listen to the song of love that he plays in your heart, and carry on—even when there is chaos all around. He never changes, and his love for us (small as we are) is constant!