What He Wants

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every weakness 
self-pity 
selfishness 
laziness 
procrastination 
lost opportunities 

hurts inflicted 
back-stabbing 
shaming 
ungracious 
picky 
hateful 

oozing wounds
misunderstood
betrayed
minimized
maligned
ignored

soul suffering
lonely 
depressed
battered
deceived
undressed

all fell on him
the crushing weight
of meanness
corruption
pain
despair

thank you
seems so small
to say
so minimal
against the mass
of grief

What grace, yes, amazing grace, was poured out on us through Jesus’ death on the cross! It saves any wretch who comes to him and admits their wrongdoing, their need for rescue! The sacrifice was done for this very purpose: to bring us into God’s Family. This is not a God hoping to punish us—this is God who longs to draw us close to him. His love reaches out and calls us. When we respond and run to him, life becomes full of meaning and new direction. We leave behind us what the world says it can give. Now we are following the One with unending gifts of spiritual peace and purpose.

Isaiah’s book of prophecy hits to the core of humanity’s need of a Rescuer. It was read in many churches over the Easter season because of the powerful depiction of the suffering Servant who would one day come and take our sins on him. The Israelites who heard it back when Isaiah proclaimed it did not understand  these words. They still did not get it about 700 years later when the Chosen One came and was crucified:

³ He was despised and rejected by people, one who experienced pain and was acquainted with illness; people hid their faces from him; he was despised, and we considered him insignificant. ⁴ But he lifted up our illnesses, he carried our pain; even though we thought he was being punished, attacked by God, and afflicted for something he had done. ⁵ He was wounded because of our rebellious deeds, crushed because of our sins; he endured punishment that made us well; because of his wounds we have been healed. (Isa. 53:3-5 NET)

In fact, when they heard Jesus’ followers teaching that he had fulfilled those prophecies they were outraged.

They began arresting and killing them.

Stephen was the first one whose martyrdom is documented. A man named Saul, later called “Paul,” heard his last words and even totally agreed that Stephen should be killed by stoning. What had Stephen said? He had told the long story of God’s dealing with his people, ending with a quote from Isaiah 66, about how great Yahweh is. Then he accused the angry crowd of resisting the Holy Spirit, rejecting the prophecies, betraying the truth they had been given. He even said that he was seeing a vision of the Son of Man, Jesus, standing at the right hand of God! They could not handle it, and stoned him.

Saul was okay with that, and even joined in trying to destroy this newborn church, entering homes to drag them into prison. Then he went off to Damascus to find believers who had fled there and arrest them. But he was shocked when he himself had a vision along the way: he saw a light so bright that he fell to the ground, and a voice challenged him saying,

“Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?” ⁵ So he said, “Who are you, Lord?” He replied, “I am Jesus whom you are persecuting! ⁶ But stand up and enter the city and you will be told what you must do.” (Acts 9:4b-6 NET)

Well, he staggered up, but discovered he was blind! His companions led him to Damascus and took him to a room. He stayed there for three days, unable to see. He did not even eat or drink anything—what a fast!

This is what hits me: how did he spend those three days, locked in place, blind, starving? He was a dedicated Jew, well-trained in their Scriptures. He knew the importance of isolation and fasting when in a critical place. He had just been told that what he thought was standing up for truth in their religion was actually the opposite—the voice that he called “Lord” had self-identified as Jesus, the very one whose work he had been doing everything he could to shut down.

Stephen had quoted Isaiah, and it may have triggered hours of meditation on what that prophet had said about the “suffering servant” and how the details corresponded to the way Jesus had been despised and murdered. If Isaiah’s words did apply to the crucifixion, then there is hope: “because of his wounds we have been healed!”

⁶ All of us had wandered off like sheep; each of us had strayed off on his own path, but the LORD caused the sin of all of us to attack him. ⁷ He was treated harshly and afflicted, but he did not even open his mouth. Like a lamb led to the slaughtering block, like a sheep silent before her shearers, he did not even open his mouth. ⁸ He was led away after an unjust trial– but who even cared?  (Isa. 53:6-8 NET)

Saul had to admit that he had been a sheep who wandered off, refusing to believe the words and miracles of the very Messiah that he claimed to be waiting for. He knew of Jesus’ death. How about his resurrection? He knew the Followers were all claiming that Jesus was alive, the true Messiah. One of those in Damascus was even supposed to come heal him! By the time Saul had spent three days in this deep dark place of contemplation, he was convinced. Isaiah’s words had been fulfilled:

¹⁰ Though the LORD desired to crush him and make him ill, once restitution is made, he will see descendants and enjoy long life, and the LORD’s purpose will be accomplished through him. ¹¹ Having suffered, he will reflect on his work, he will be satisfied when he understands what he has done. “My servant will acquit many, for he carried their sins.” (Isa. 53:10-11 NET)

Across town, Ananias, a disciple of Jesus, was shocked when he was told in a vision that he should go find Saul and heal him, this very man who was attacking Christians so violently. But he believed the hard words God said to him, that this man was going to be transformed to become a missionary for his purposes. Ananias actually did what seemed contrary to all reason: he obeyed. Saul was healed.

Saul was ready for the mission he was given. His vision, three days of being helpless and confined to the dark, then the fulfillment of the word that Ananias would come heal him—it all added up to a confident “yes!” He was immediately baptized. The Holy Spirit that he had resisted was now living in him, empowering him, and his life reversed course. Instead of arresting disciples of Jesus he spent several days fellowshiping with them, then went to the synagogues to prove to Jews that their Messiah had come. What a complete turn around!

So of course those who could not stand that message conspired to kill him, reacting the very same way Saul himself had done before. Now he began walking his own path of suffering, rejected for speaking Truth. But he now belonged to Jesus, wholeheartedly, no turning back. That was exactly what his Lord wanted.

That reminds me of a song I learned when I was in college, in InterVarsity Christian Fellowship:

I have decided to follow Jesus, (3x)
no turning back! No turning back!
The world behind me, the cross before me, (3x).
no turning back! No turning back![1]

God offers us a wonderful life as his followers, not one without suffering, but one in fellowship with him forever as a result of his work on the cross. As we mature in our faith, we can understand ever more deeply just how radical this rescue is. We can acknowledge the depth of our wickedness, as a people and personally, and keep on learning how to follow Jesus no matter what.

I was a child when my faith took root, and it has been over years of growth in digging into the Scriptures and getting to know my Jesus, my God, that this commitment has become increasingly solidified. And every day, when he points out a sin of selfishness or being judgmental, for example, I know I can bring that fault to him and he will forgive, then show me how to move forward. Can you relate?

If Saul, the hardhearted enemy of Jesus and his followers, could be forgiven and transformed into one of the most powerful emissaries of the Messiah to the world, then any of us can be too. The story does not end at the cross; it moves forward for Yahweh’s purposes.Whatever he gives us to do, that is our mission whether in family, community, or another nation. No turning back!

Though none go with me, still I will follow.
Though none go with me, still I will follow.
Though none go with me, still I will follow,
No turning back, no turning back.[2]

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[1] Author (attributed to): Simon Marak
Tune: ASSAM  Simon Marak was a pastor and missionary in Jorhat, Assam, India. The hymn is based on an Indian folk tune. For more details, see the entry on “I have decided to follow Jesus” in the Canterbury Dictionary of Hymnology (http://www.hymnology.co.uk/i/i-have-decided-to-follow-jesus)

[2] Ibid.

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