Desperate to Center

Thoughts slip left and right, 
up and down, 
circling center 
but not resting there. 

I long to be centered, 
focused, listening. 
When swirling slows 
I sense You here, present. 

That is the heart position 
that centers thoughts 
on You, the Unseen One 
who matters most. 

I rest, absorbing peace
from the Prince of Peace,
the object of my quest:
Jesus! I am blessed.

What I long for is to be able to live like this:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³ Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. (Heb. 12:1-3 NIV)

I am tempted to lose heart. I am tempted to focus on chaos in the world around me. Grief for the choices of loved ones wants to suffocate hope.

But when I turn to Jesus, contemplating his character and his willingness to be attacked, shamed, tortured, and murdered, all for me and the billions of others like me, I find hope again. He was looking beyond the hard things to “the joy set before him.” What was that joy? Providing rescue for the broken and enslaved! Setting up a kingdom of love that will last forever! Creating a worldwide Family of loved ones who choose to be a part of it!

My problem is that the distractions take over all too easily.

So this year I have returned  off and on to a practice I was using during a difficult time while we were over in Côte d’Ivoire: centering prayer. I have never mastered it, but I find it helpful. I  had read Pennington’s book, Centering Prayer: Reviewing an Ancient Christian Prayer Form, and reviewed the helpful points in Adele Ahlberg Calhoun’s Spiritual Disciplines Handbook: Practices that Transform Us. Both pointed out key reasons this practice is worth the effort.

This expresses the key reason:

“Centering prayer is an opening, a response, a putting aside of all the debris that stands in the way of our being totally present to the present Lord, so that he can be present to us.”[1]

There it is: becoming completely aware of being in the Lord’s presence is wonderful, but it is hard to calm all the distracting thoughts that intrude. This kind of prayer is not about intercession. It is about resting, being quiet, focusing on the Person who lives in us. The Holy Spirit is given to us and lives in us, so that we are united with Christ, connected to God in an intensely intimate way. We deal, however, with life in this world with all of its distractions. Fixing our eyes on Jesus is something we are to live out with endurance like his, following him. Keeping our eyes fixed on him is a challenge.

“The purity of Centering Prayer lies in this: for once, both eyes are on God.”[2]  It is “ not production-oriented but rather . . . the simple enjoyment of God, the reality for which he made us.”[3]

And once we experience that, it helps us to maintain that orientation the rest of the day:  walking with our Shepherd, more aware of his guidance and his work.

The steps sound simple, but I have found them challenging. You start by choosing a  “word” or phrase to contemplate. It can be a name of God, or one of his characteristics. You find a position that allows you to pay attention and focus. When thoughts slip in and take over, return to your chosen “word” and wait in his presence.

In the past I used my quiet spot, sitting, wherever I was—like in a chair under the golden rain tree (see the photo above), in Ferke. This week I have tried using my morning walk as a protected space. The words that have led me to a renewed sense of being centered on my God were these, tried on different days: Lord Jesus have mercy on us. Mercy. Compassion. Jesus! God is love. Love!

The intruding thoughts are unavoidable. I am learning to hand them over to my Companion and return to the word(s) in focus. I come home far more relaxed and at peace. God is with me, always, yes!

So in this time with turmoil all around, I would encourage you to contemplate the wonder of our union with our Lord, fixing your eyes on Jesus, who made it possible for us to do this faith walk, to not get so tired that we “lose heart” and forget about the joy set before us.

And, as Adele Calhoun, adds, “throughout your day return to your word and remind the Lord of your love for him.”[4] This helps us to put into practice that great commandment:

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. (Deut. 6:5 NIV)

It will also prepare us to live out the other one that Jesus said is like it:

Love your neighbor as yourself. (Mat 22.39 NIV)

We contemplate our Lord, Father, Savior, Shepherd, who is love and is our source of peace. We get to know him yet better. We long to be like him, and to work with him and for him. The change we long for will come.

“In centering prayer the goal is to so dwell in Christ that the fruit of this dwelling begins to show up in your life. Centering praying may ‘do nothing’ at the moment. You sense no rapture, no mystical bliss. But later, as you move out into the busyness of life, you begin to notice that something has shifted. Your quiet center in Christ holds.”[5]

I am still learning, and I’m enjoying the learning curve!

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[1] Pennington, M. Basil. Centering Prayer: Renewing an Ancient Christian Prayer Form. (New York, New York: Doubleday, 1980) p. 86.

[2] Ibid., p. 105.

[3] Ibid. p. 107.

[4] Calhoun, Adele Ahlberg. Spiritual Disciplines Handbook: Practices that Transform Us. (Downers Grove, Illinois: IVP Books, 2005),p. 210.

[5] Ibid., p. 208.