The solitude of two: Not me alone, though I am closeted, the door pulled to, and only I sit in my lair. It’s me and you, and you are everywhere. My heart’s a waiting place anticipating your venue. The world is narrowed to a cell, to give you space to do your work in me. And all is well when we keep company.
Have you ever wondered how to have a “prayer closet,” a private space free from people’s eyes and from interactions? It was a dilemma for me in Ferkessédougou, Côte d’Ivoire, a family living with us, our homein a courtyard surrounded by other courtyards, including the town square across a road constantly filled with huge trucks parked for respite on their long trips north and south for commerce.
Then I discovered my early morning “sacred grove,” under golden rain trees. But how about when it was raining? Sometimes I would settle for my bedroom window, a bamboo chair pulled up close for air and a view of nature. And sometimes I would head to the big meeting-place gazebo in our back yard, setting a candle on the ledge beside the wild berry bushes.
Here in Detroit, I have my attic “skyhouse,” with a sitting room, candles and a view of trees and rooftops down the street.
It has been essential for me, this solitude, a time carved out away from distractions. I’ve had to set up my spaces in handy places where I didn’t need to drive somewhere. That kind of outing would be for longer retreats, and there are wonderful options. But daily solitude is also healthy. As Dallas Willard says, it is a priority among spiritual disciplines, defined as a place where we can find freedom from ingrained patterns of feelings, interactions and actions “that hinder our integration into God’s order.”[1] 159
Why this desperation? I was finding that certain authors were becoming my mentors. As I read about the importance of wrenching free from demands and from anything drawing my attention away from a time dedicated to just being with my Lord, I searched out ways to be alone with him. That is why it Is really a “solitude of two,” time set aside to concentrate on being with him.
What these “mentors” were writing is true: solitude opens up the opportunity to practice other disciplines. It is hard to even write about its benefits without mentioning silence, listening, prayer, practicing the Presence, journaling, examen . . . our lists can go on and on. We are giving “God’s Spirit time and space to do deep work.”[2]
Some people live alone. How could the practice of solitude be at all meaningful, when finding company in life is a constant felt need? It is important to differentiate this kind of time apart from the sadness of constantly being alone. “Loneliness is inner emptiness. Solitude is inner fulfillment. Solitude is not first a place but a state of mind and heart.”[3] We don’t need to fear being alone, because we are not alone; our Lord is constantly with us. We need to pay attention to that. Community is healthy. The two balance each other.
Solitude is not a place. It actually is possible to practice it while surrounded by a crowd; it just takes a different kind of self-control, letting go of attachment to all that is going on. I had to learn that when a public event would be launched early in the morning in the town square just over our courtyard wall. I had to learn to not let that control me as I practiced solitude in my “sacred grove.”
“In the midst of noise and confusion we are settled into a deep inner silence.”[4] We are tuning our inner ears to a different Voice, one best heard when we let go of the cluttered cacophony of what is going on around us as well as in our heads and hearts.
There are so many examples in Scripture of how Jesus practiced solitude. Here are a few: his 40 days in the desert before launching his ministry (Mat 4:1-11), a night alone before choosing the Twelve (Luke 6:12), when he heard that his cousin John had been killed (Mat 14:13), after feeding 5,000 people (Mat 14:23), after healing a leper (Luke 5:16), before his Transfiguration (Mat 17:1-9), and before his crucifixion (Mat 26:36-46). If he needed that time apart with his Father, think how much more we need it? We have ears unaccustomed to that divine interaction, ears that need training.
I noticed that even Paul found solitude in the middle of a very pressured journey, hurrying to get to Jerusalem by the day of Pentecost. As the ship stopped in various places, he was saying goodbye to many he had been discipling. Time was loaded with crowds, and then he preached all night and a young man sitting on a windowsill fell asleep and fell out, died, and was raised to life (Acts 20:6-12). Luke and his other companions went back to the ship and sailed to the next destination, Assos, where they were going to take Paul aboard. Why wasn’t he with them? He had decided to walk from Troas down to Assos. On the Roman road connecting them, that would have been about 31 miles. So commentators think it would have taken two days, maybe more. Now that is some time apart, alone! He had just experienced trauma, and now was headed for Jerusalem where he would be persecuted. The Spirit had told him he would suffer there (Acts 20:22-23). Like Jesus, he knew he needed that solitude—walking, in his case—to be prepared.
That is another way to carve out solitude: taking a walk. I sometimes use earbuds to listen to music or audio Scriptures while walking alone in my neighborhood. But lately I have felt the Lord prompting me to be silent, to listen to him, or to turn that time into a prayer walk. My days are full now that I am “working” in the ministry of Bible translation again; I need to untie myself from to-do’s and must-do’s and what-if’s. As Foster puts it, “Rather than chafing and fighting, become still and wait.”[5]
In addition to detaching from external noise, we must quieting our inner noise to better listen to God.[6] When it becomes a part of our lifestyle, it is no longer a scary struggle to let go of preoccupations. Instead, it is a haven of rest and strengthening.
For those who are homebound, just schedule it, or designate a chair or room as your protected retreat for solitude. Most of us have many options. Let’s not ignore this nourishment for our inner being that prepares us to live with the Lord, and walk with him.
When we are in love with someone, we long for moments alone with them. When we’ve been through tough times, we long for quiet rest—even time secluded in nature. When we are called out of the bustle into that special place, we jump to respond. So here is a verse that speaks to the yearning in our hearts, a message from the One who is love, and loves us intensely. Our hearts can leap to be with him, alone:
Come away, my beloved, and be like a gazelle or like a young stag on the spice-laden mountains. (Song of Solomon 8:14 NIV)
[1] Willard, Dallas. The Spirit of the Disciplines: Understanding How God Changes Lives. (HarperSanFrancisco, 1991),159
[2] Calhoun, Adele Ahlberg. Spiritual Disciplines Handbook: Practices that Transform Us. (Downers Grove, Illinois: IVP Books, 2005), 112
[3] Foster, Richard J. Celebration of Discipline: The Path to Spiritual Growth. (San Francisco: Harper and Row, Publishers). 84
[4] Ibid.
[5] Ibid., 91
[6] Calhoun, 111
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