Where is God in This?

A groan, the wrenching sound 
of a heart torn out, 
shredded… 

arms lifted skyward 
in the still of night, 
begging...

tears pumped profusely
from the soul,
sodden...

The future disintegrates.
My crumpled dreams are 
thrown away.

I’m a discarded quarry,
scraped until I’m bare.
Where are you???

. . . . . . .

Hush child!  Be still.
Know that I am God.
I hold you close.

My “where” is all around you,
with you in your pain,
loving you.

I’m underneath you,
carrying you when your 
knees buckle;

behind you every moment,
defending your bare back
tenderly;

out in front, scouting ahead,
sweeping other dangers
from the path;

beside you, gripping your
right hand, so you won’t slip or,
stumbling, fall;

and best of all, inside you,
where my peace is whispering in
that still voice

which you will hear,
eventually, when sobbing is
exhausted

and silence spreads
to let my breath brush balm
on all your hurts.

Hush, beloved daughter.
Your tears are kept as treasure,
reflecting

rainbows all around
as I smile on you, even
in the dark.
 

Have you been there too, weeping, heart torn? What triggered that for you? Was it the loss of a loved one? Were you in distress over conflicts with coworkers? Have you found yourself shattered by the departure of a dearly loved person from the faith? Was your community or family divided, disintegrating? Was a dream crushed flat?

When I wrote this poem over two decades ago, I was actually up all night, arms raised in desperate supplication. Then the Lord began to remind me of verse after verse that answered my desperate question, “Where are you?”. You can probably recognize some of them in the poem. It was such comfort. Even though the distress was not over for years (and is still waiting for complete resolution), my heart needed a complete refocus!

The psalms come through with prayers of lament over and over, almost always framed in statements of trust. That truly speaks to me.  Lately I’ve been meditating on Psalm 73, which is book-ended with outstanding examples of this pattern:

Surely God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart.  (Ps. 73:1 NIV)

²⁸ But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds. (Ps. 73:28 NIV)

In between those verses there is a long confession by the psalmist. His faith had been shriveled as he focused on the disasters around him. Here are some samples he shared of what had thrown him down so far:

² But as for me, my feet had almost slipped; I had nearly lost my foothold. ³ For I envied the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked. ⁴ They have no struggles; their bodies are healthy and strong. ⁵ They are free from common human burdens; they are not plagued by human ills. ⁶ Therefore pride is their necklace; they clothe themselves with violence. ⁷ From their callous hearts comes iniquity; their evil imaginations have no limits. ⁸ They scoff, and speak with malice; with arrogance they threaten oppression. ⁹ Their mouths lay claim to heaven, and their tongues take possession of the earth. (Ps. 73:2-9 NIV)

Asaph wrote this centuries ago, but it is not hard to relate to his fear of those in power or those who take power in their own hands.  Arrogance is their basic character, and malicious violence their weapon. Just read today’s headlines. What is happening all around the world and where you live? Wars continue, the prejudice against ethnic groups leads to violent words or actions, abuse breaks out in the work place and in families, divisions in the Family of God shatter Christian witness, those in power take yet another privilege away from the vulnerable . . .

The wicked seem to relish success and could care less about its consequences, Asaph says. They are not even concerned about what God thinks—they see him as irrelevant and unconcerned. He complains:

¹³ Surely in vain I have kept my heart pure and have washed my hands in innocence. ¹⁴ All day long I have been afflicted, and every morning brings new punishments. (Ps. 73:13-14 NIV)

That is deep despair over unending trauma. Hope has flown out the window. BUT then he remembered who is actually in charge:

If I had spoken out like that, I would have betrayed your children. ¹⁶ When I tried to understand all this, it troubled me deeply ¹⁷ till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood their final destiny. (Ps. 73:15-17 NIV)

As he entered the place of worship and focused on the Lord of the Universe, he suddenly realized that his ongoing desperate complaints about evil, with no hope of good news, were actually accusations against God that revealed his lack of faith.  Standing alone, they would be hurtful to anything positive God intended to do among his people. If Asaph had spoke them in public he would have been mocking the worshipful faith of God’s children.

There were actually reasons to hope: God had clearly promised that evil would be judged, no one was outside his realm of authority, and the “final destiny”  of such cruel people would be the opposite of the success they had thought was theirs. These evil ones would be gone forever.

Whatever you and I are facing, we need to remember that our Father knows everything that is going on—including how we are reacting to it. Over and over in the Scriptures we are told that he shepherds us. He guides us, and he also surrounds us with his protection. Not only that, he lives inside us! Nothing can separate us from his love! Even in Old Testament days his loyal followers knew this. Listen to this part of the psalm:

²¹ When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, ²² I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you. ²³ Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. ²⁴ You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. ²⁵ Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. ²⁶ My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.  (Ps. 73:21-26 NIV)  

We don’t have to wait to be with him until we die, no! He is with us here; yes, we are with him here, always!  Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. (v 23) Have you heard why the right hand is specified in these contexts? It is because in the Hebrew view it was the hand of action, the hand that could act for good purposes. So when my God holds my right hand, he is guiding me in how to react, empowering me to do what is in line with his plan. He counsels us, right here and now.

Someday we will leave all this trouble and be with him in that glorious space he is preparing for us: afterward you will take me into glory! (v.24) Whether or not we personally get to see the resolution to the crisis troubling with us, we have him with us this minute too, right in the middle of our pain and distress! And he has promised a grand welcome into eternal peace. That is our confident hope: life where there is no evil, forever with him.

When desperation attacks, listen to his words of comfort and turn your thoughts to these truths. He is the great I AM—he always was, always is, always will be! And that is who is always with you. Just hush in his presence, and remember his promises.