A Confluence of Soulmates

We believe, she and I, 
so streams of living water 
flow from within
and mingle in profuse display:
splash of sympathy, 
sparkle of delight,
mellow liquid comfort. 
Spirit meets Spirit
and waterfalls rush to embrace, 
clarity leaping with grace
to wash over souls and leave us 
limpid, rippling, blessed.


The gift of a friend who is a true “soulmate” is to be treasured. Sometimes it seems like a gracious blessing from the heavens, unexpected and yet exactly what was needed. Several “sisters” have come alongside me like that; I’ve seen the same thing happen to my husband and other men, although it seems less frequent with them.

What is so special about it? I believe it is based on what Jesus himself said:

Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them.”^{1 39} By this he meant the Spirit, whom those who believed in him were later to receive. (^NIV John 7:38-39a)

The Spirit of God lives in the true Jesus-follower, and that means springs of living water are in his inner being. In Jeremiah 2:12 God calls himself “the spring of living water.”

So when he is in us, we ourselves are drenched in unending spring-fed water:

The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. (Isa. 58:11 NIV)

We are strengthened, made healthy and fruitful. When two people get together who are living this reality, that connection between them can be so refreshing that it is astonishing. They can share the refreshment that comes from those streams of water! That is what I was writing about in the poem above.

This week I’ve been reminded of that truth while my cousin, Karen Slater Cole, has been living with us. She and her husband came to Michigan to participate in our church’s Global Missions Fest and we grabbed the opportunity to offer them housing. Karen is much younger than I, but we have shared roots from growing up in Ferkessédougou, Côte d’Ivoire, both MKs (missionary kids) whose dads were brothers. And we both love Jesus and have spent our lives growing in him. So in spite of the years we’ve spent in different places without much connection, time together has led to an overflow of those inner springs of living water. I am refreshed, my thirst quenched.

It’s not that I don’t have other friends who are like springs of water to me—I am blessed with some near me and other far off. Each connection is one where “Spirit meets Spirit,” since he lives in both of us, and our own essential beings are encouraged.

But there have been seasons when I was in a literal sun-scorched land, feeling very alone due to dry relationships. Distance and ministry often led to long stretches like that. And sometimes coming back to the United States would seem like entering a desert, especially when friends who had been essential companions before had moved away. I would cry out in desperation to my good Lord to meet my need, and he did. Once it was a sweet older woman in church who came up to me to let me know that the Lord had been prompting her to reach out to me so that we could meet regularly for prayer. Another time it dawned on me that a former acquaintance would probably be one who could be more than just a friend, and I reached out—to my delight, it became far deeper than I ever expected.

What I was learning along the way, with many more instances I could describe, is that our Master treasures those connections too. Reaching out to develop them is actually viewed as another practice in spiritual formation. As Tim Keller puts it, when Jesus told his disciples they were more than servants, they were friends, he meant that their relationship was deeper and stronger, precious to him. It is a discipline of friendship that grows through constancy and intimacy. It doesn’t just “happen,” in most cases it takes work.[1]

We are to help each other carry heavy loads:

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. (Gal. 6:2 NIV)

Keller explains that fulfilling Christ’s rule for life is to give yourself for others, like he did for us. It may even feel draining at times when the other needs to debrief after going through tough times, since it includes truly giving away some of your own emotional resources to encourage this spiritual friend.

But it often becomes mutual burden-bearing, opening a door for receiving encouragement as well. That relationship is what I call being “soulmates.” You are spiritual friends when you are both walking in the Spirit and sharing that life together.

It is different from mentoring or discipling someone, which is also a great relationship but involves one leading the other, although those relationships can become truly mutual, on a shared path.

These are five pieces of developing a soulmate relationship that are helpful:

1. Caring: In healthy friendships, we care deeply for our friends, seeking to hold them up in their weak places.
2. Accepting: We learn to lovingly accept each person’s heart and gifts.
3. Serving: We develop the desire to serve those around us.
4. Offering Hospitality: We reach out in hospitality, providing a safe and warm space for our friends to be with us.
5. Encouraging: And above all, we learn to live in the rhythm of encouragement, speaking life and hope often.[2]

When we concentrate on living out these elements in a healthy way with a fellow believer, we are “building each other up:”

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. (1 Thess. 5:11 NIV)

Sharing those “springs of living water” definitely fills us up in a delightful way that helps us grow stronger! It is worth the effort!

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[1] Keller, Timothy. “Spiritual Friendship,” November 22, 2023  https://podcast.gospelinlife.com/e/spiritual-friendship/

[2] Found at https://www.navigators.org/resource/spiritual-friendship/ Content adapted from Becoming Gertrude: How Our Friendships Shape Our Faith by Janice Peterson. Copyright © 2018. Used by permission of NavPress, represented by Tyndale House Publishers, a Division of Tyndale House Ministries. All rights reserved.